Damn Regret
Damn Regret
i hate that word
It's almost a year since I shifted my course. From IT to Nursing. At first I was fine with it. But things slowly got worse. Going through the course I hate most, is a lot harder than I thought. (duh) Every day that goes by, feels like I'm slowly dying. Why am I here? What am I doing?
SOUNDS CLICHE?
nobodywantstohearyourcrapcozweallgothroughitshutup.
Maybe so. But I am still a different person, with a different view in life.
Man, that first paragraph is so emo. HAHA.
Seriously now, this semester is just GAH. Meaning "Gawd Ang Hirap" (Gawd Its Hard) Not because the subjects are really hard to understand, its just I'm slowly loosing my focus and interest. Of course, I never really liked Nursing. Heck, I didn't dream to become one! But under some circumstances and job trends, I'm somehow put into this other dimension called "Health Care" where everyone wears white and goes on blabbing medical terms that cannot be pronounced. Where am I?
I've always wanted to be an animator. When I was a kid, I'd answer the question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" with an "I wan't to be an animator!" straight forward. No hesitation. Or I'd answer "A Marine Biologist!" (i was a very smart little girl) Or I'd answer "A journalist for National Geographic! channel!" Because I love art, nature and animals. But never did my mind cross on being a nurse. Where did all those dreams of childhood go? Such a waste...
"Ang galing mo mag-drawing!" (You're really good at drawing!) I hear that almost everyday, from people at school, church and even relatives. "Why are you taking up Nursing? You should be in Fine Arts or something." they ask. I should be asking myself that very question. Why aren't I in somewhere I'm good at? With something I enjoy doing most? These questions fill my head everyday, and the answer would always be like my math test paper-- a blank.
I got traumatized during one of our RLE demos. Perineal Care. OMG. Just hearing it makes me weak, how much harder is it for me to type it?! I studied for that particular return demonstration but my mind went blank when I was about to perform. I got humiliated and I got a low grade. I cried because everything felt so wrong. Trust me, its worse than it sounds coz I don't wanna explain what happened further. I'm traumatized, remember?! I felt an urge that said "You don't belong here. You know what you love, pursue it."
And now all we know is falling. Because Paramore is rockin my mp3.
OTL. That's not what I meant.
I also lost my interest in my other subjects. I began to make excuses not to attend class.
I even cut classes coz I couldn't take the pressure.
WEAK.
shutup.
But then I remembered my Mom who was working all for the sake of me going through college. She's sacrificing herself for me. For me to have a better future. And what I am doing to repay her? I declare myself guilty. Guilty of selfishness. Sure, its great to pursue what I love doing best. But its better to be doing something for a someone whom you love dearly.
I have decided. I will endure.
Life is about making choices. At times, the privilege of making a choice is taken from our hands by the very people whom we trust. However difficult to accept their motives, at times we just have to abide by them because they know better and perhaps it would be for our own good.
Options:
A. )Shift Course = server error. access not granted.
B.) Stop Studying = cannot be executed. system shut down.
C.) Pray + Faith = loading 100% system restored.
G
i hate that word
It's almost a year since I shifted my course. From IT to Nursing. At first I was fine with it. But things slowly got worse. Going through the course I hate most, is a lot harder than I thought. (duh) Every day that goes by, feels like I'm slowly dying. Why am I here? What am I doing?
SOUNDS CLICHE?
nobodywantstohearyourcrapcozweallgothroughitshutup.
Maybe so. But I am still a different person, with a different view in life.
Man, that first paragraph is so emo. HAHA.
Seriously now, this semester is just GAH. Meaning "Gawd Ang Hirap" (Gawd Its Hard) Not because the subjects are really hard to understand, its just I'm slowly loosing my focus and interest. Of course, I never really liked Nursing. Heck, I didn't dream to become one! But under some circumstances and job trends, I'm somehow put into this other dimension called "Health Care" where everyone wears white and goes on blabbing medical terms that cannot be pronounced. Where am I?
I've always wanted to be an animator. When I was a kid, I'd answer the question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" with an "I wan't to be an animator!" straight forward. No hesitation. Or I'd answer "A Marine Biologist!" (i was a very smart little girl) Or I'd answer "A journalist for National Geographic! channel!" Because I love art, nature and animals. But never did my mind cross on being a nurse. Where did all those dreams of childhood go? Such a waste...
"Ang galing mo mag-drawing!" (You're really good at drawing!) I hear that almost everyday, from people at school, church and even relatives. "Why are you taking up Nursing? You should be in Fine Arts or something." they ask. I should be asking myself that very question. Why aren't I in somewhere I'm good at? With something I enjoy doing most? These questions fill my head everyday, and the answer would always be like my math test paper-- a blank.
I got traumatized during one of our RLE demos. Perineal Care. OMG. Just hearing it makes me weak, how much harder is it for me to type it?! I studied for that particular return demonstration but my mind went blank when I was about to perform. I got humiliated and I got a low grade. I cried because everything felt so wrong. Trust me, its worse than it sounds coz I don't wanna explain what happened further. I'm traumatized, remember?! I felt an urge that said "You don't belong here. You know what you love, pursue it."
And now all we know is falling. Because Paramore is rockin my mp3.
OTL. That's not what I meant.
I also lost my interest in my other subjects. I began to make excuses not to attend class.
I even cut classes coz I couldn't take the pressure.
WEAK.
shutup.
But then I remembered my Mom who was working all for the sake of me going through college. She's sacrificing herself for me. For me to have a better future. And what I am doing to repay her? I declare myself guilty. Guilty of selfishness. Sure, its great to pursue what I love doing best. But its better to be doing something for a someone whom you love dearly.
I have decided. I will endure.
Life is about making choices. At times, the privilege of making a choice is taken from our hands by the very people whom we trust. However difficult to accept their motives, at times we just have to abide by them because they know better and perhaps it would be for our own good.
Options:
A. )Shift Course = server error. access not granted.
B.) Stop Studying = cannot be executed. system shut down.
C.) Pray + Faith = loading 100% system restored.
G
